By Macgill Frutchey
Monday
Twin A
Twin A
Dear diary:
Food is brilliant!
I managed to drop 27 fistfuls of it into my lap today at the colorful, spicy eating place, which of course then all somehow made its way onto the floor.
Oops!!😮
Lol.
Whatever...
I dropped half of that tasty $hit on purpose.
Good times😎
Food is brilliant!
I managed to drop 27 fistfuls of it into my lap today at the colorful, spicy eating place, which of course then all somehow made its way onto the floor.
Oops!!😮
Lol.
Whatever...
I dropped half of that tasty $hit on purpose.
Good times😎
On the car ride home after leaving this odoriferous joint, my clone and I fell right to sleep after taking turns screaming continuously for 10 minutes.
I'm not even exactly sure why, but it probably had something to do with the fact that the place caused my entire family to smell like my daddy's left armpit does after he mows the lawn on Saturdays.
#sick✌🏻️
I'm not even exactly sure why, but it probably had something to do with the fact that the place caused my entire family to smell like my daddy's left armpit does after he mows the lawn on Saturdays.
#sick✌🏻️
Tuesday
Twin B
Twin B
Dear diary:
At dinner this evening, my adult placed a very tasty concoction onto both mine and the other me's tall eating chair.
For the record, my chair was taller today.
As I began to shove finger-fulls of this deliciousness into my mouth, I couldn't decide if it was the actual bits of food, or my fingers themselves that were so tasty, so I proceeded to try and stick all of them completely down my throat, until I discovered an angry cough that caused me to suddenly produce my own hot liquid that tasted a lot like the food i had just eaten, but nastier.
It was wildly unpleasant😣
After repeating the exact same maneuver three more times, it occurred to me that indeed it was not my fingers that were so tasty, but the actual bits of food themselves.
Duh🙄
And as I went in for my fourth futile attempt, my nice adult alarmingly looked up from her rectangular light-up hand attachment, and ran over to stop me.
I've always liked her.
As she wiped my face, I happened to look over just as the other me was experimenting with the very same finger eating method that I had just discovered.
Shockingly, this seemed to disturb him quite a bit, as he too began to make the angry sounding cough that caused him to scream and throw his arms up in the air.
Drama queen👑
I then decided to have myself a nice stiff cry at the horrific sight of it all.
#stronger💪🏻
Wednesday
Twin A
Twin A
Dear diary:
Woke up to the blinding aroma of fresh poo while it was still quite dark outside this morning.😷💩
Bummer.
It had to have been the other me, because the real me, which I guess is just me, couldn't produce that obnoxious a stench. Smh.
Woke up to the blinding aroma of fresh poo while it was still quite dark outside this morning.😷💩
Bummer.
It had to have been the other me, because the real me, which I guess is just me, couldn't produce that obnoxious a stench. Smh.
It displeased me to such a great extent, that I began to beckon my adult with a weird breathy growling noise that I've never made before, but I ended up being genuinely entertained by the sound after repeating it to an excessive degree.
And I guess my impressive growling awakened the other me, because he screamed out with the same furious cry that he uses when I deliberately poke him in the eyeball with my fingernail sometimes.😪
Poor old crybaby.
Our man adult came running in rather quickly, which is unlike him at that time of day.
I'll bet he was up performing the standing wee over the smelly white chair down the hall.
Long-legged show off.
As he dashed in to check on us, I noticed that he too was afflicted by the blinding stench, as he declared something to the effect of "whoooo-whee-whooo"!!
I then looked up and shouted gibberish in an effort to communicate to him what foul a thing my clone had just accomplished, but he didn't seem to follow, as he proceeded to lean over MY crib and pick ME up!
Wrong me, genius!
Then he had the nerve to hoist me up over his head, spin me around and take a giant whiff of my ass crack.
#awkward
What happened next can never be spoken of after this moment, as it disturbs me to exorbitant lengths.
Sigh...
It was indeed not the other me's fresh poo repugnance that awakened me so early this morning,
but in sad fact,
my very own arse's corrupt s#it after all.
Bloody hell🙈🙉🙊
Thursday
Twin B
Twin B
Dear diary:
This morning, while my adult changed the other me's poo catcher, I managed to pull 5 whole ass wiping cloths from the magic bag, and was able to suck the unpleasant juice from 2 of them before she caught me.
Slam👊🏻
This morning, while my adult changed the other me's poo catcher, I managed to pull 5 whole ass wiping cloths from the magic bag, and was able to suck the unpleasant juice from 2 of them before she caught me.
Slam👊🏻
When it was time for her to change my poo catcher, my clone was only able to pull out a measly 3 ass wiping cloths before she caught him. Slow poke.
For some odd reason, my lady adult doesn't find this pastime nearly as amusing as we do.
No sense of wonder in those tall jokers.
If I play my cards right, I bet I can swipe at least 7 tomorrow morning.
#goals
Friday
Twin A
Twin A
Dear diary:
Breakfast was weird this morning.
Just for the record, switching up from feeding me cinnamon blueberry oatmeal yogurt, to roasted red pepper hummus in the span of 5 seconds from the same spoon, is some kind of advanced food f#ckery that I'm not psychologically capable of handling at this point in time.👿
I should've seen it coming with that dispicably obscure grin that she had plastered across her sweet mug.
No worries👌🏻
#asspaybackwillbehell😂
Breakfast was weird this morning.
Just for the record, switching up from feeding me cinnamon blueberry oatmeal yogurt, to roasted red pepper hummus in the span of 5 seconds from the same spoon, is some kind of advanced food f#ckery that I'm not psychologically capable of handling at this point in time.👿
I should've seen it coming with that dispicably obscure grin that she had plastered across her sweet mug.
No worries👌🏻
#asspaybackwillbehell😂
Saturday
Twin B
Twin B
Dear Diary:
Why do they continue to toy with my emotions!?!
Just this afternoon, the less attractive me, the tall lady, the loud pirate boy, and me were all having such a delightful cluttered floor get together.
Why did it all go wrong?
Why do they continue to toy with my emotions!?!
Just this afternoon, the less attractive me, the tall lady, the loud pirate boy, and me were all having such a delightful cluttered floor get together.
Why did it all go wrong?
Bright eyed as usual, the pirate boy attentitively kept smiling at me, while mashing the colorful blink blink nobs found on the tiny irritating singing colorful wheel from the basket.
Just then, as the less attractive me was playing blissfully on the floor, the loud pirate boy, with sword in hand, came flying through the air just like my spoon does when I launch it from my eating chair, and nearly landed atop my poor clone's face.
To my dismay, this pissed little guy off more than he'd ever admit, as he seemed bothered by the same leaking eye problem that has seemed to afflict him since birth.
Which somehow interfered with the nice lady, because her voice became powerful, and her smile looked scary. She fervently kissed my clone's face, then snatched up the pirate boy and quickly vanished from our line of sight.
W. T. F!!!!!😡😫😡
Is she not aware that catastrophic events, such as WALKING OUT OF THE ROOM, causes us to experience an uncontrollable amount of griefstricken emotion?
I still love her, but I didn't let my face show it when she finally reappeared from what seemed to be days, but was just 22 seconds later.
Damn that half-naked pirate boy.
#arggh
Twin A
Sunday,
Dear Diary:
Before bed, my nice lady put me into the gigantic white bowl filled with fascinating hot splash liquid again.
That place is wonderfully wet and strange.
As much as I try to make the splash liquid my own, I can't contain it. It surrounds me, yet runs from me at the very same time.
It's magical.
When I try to become one with the magic liquid by sucking it up through the holes in my face, she stops me and repeats that annoying sound "no, no, no."
And today, the fluffy white floaty circles joined in on the fun.
They taste awful.
I love that.
I don't know why, but I cannot control the excitement in my arms and legs when she puts me in there, It just feels so natural to me.
Almost like my own yellow spraying wee does.
In fact, I usually combine the two and it's quite relaxing.
Yes, I'll continue that for the rest of time.
#pissperfect🛀🏻💦
Mommin' ain't easy.
you're doing better than you think♣️
