Macgyvering My Way Through Motherhood

Toddler Twins Think They're Gangster AF In Secret Online Diary

9/29/2016

Yes. You read that right.

Apparently these two little people believe they're "gangsta" now.

I hear you.
And just when you thought things couldn't get any weirder🤔

Let's just say that if the 1990's version of Master P, and Maggie Smith from Downton Abbey randomly decided to procreate, and then in one way or another, ended up with some kind of rosy cheeked, albino faced love child, who was then consistently coached by Vanilla Ice on how to speak "gangsta", then these sparsely hard core-ish diary entries, would be the embarassing archives of such an ASININE adventure.

And BELIEVE me.
I tried to explain to these boys that the fact that they're only ONE, have strawberry hair, and are as WHITE as the day is long, that they probably wouldn't be taken seriously as "gangsters", and that they're definitely NOT cool enough to spit "gangsta" flo (which...evidently, neither am I)

BUTTTT...
they just weren't having any of it.

NONE, bruh.
....What?
*ahem*
I meant, NONE.

And yet, here we are.

What can I say?

One minute they're speaking British slang, impersonating Peppa the Pig, and challenging the European Union, and the next they're trying to speak gangster, while also aiming to maintain their newfound pirate status.

I'm just somewhere in the middle, trying to keep up.

But whatever.
Who am I to go and crush their 16 month old dreams of wanting to talk like gangsters?

The psychological repercussions of an abysmal decision such as this, could be CATASTROPHIC.

Just do your thing boys,
I ain't mad atcha😍🤘🏻

Aaand here they are...
Two tiny, super white wanna-be "gangsters", comin right atcha:

Comments

Are You Anti-Formula? Congrats. Now Kindly Remove Your Ass Hat.

9/22/2016

Comments

Sigh.
Alright people, this thing needs some scrutiny, so lets mull it over for a minute, yes?

Raise your hand if you are pro-breastfeeding.

Wow, look at that, so many of you. Congratulations! That's fantastic.

And now please raise, or keep your hand up, if you also believe that formula happens to be an excellent source of poison, disappointment, and lies.

Man, would you look at that, still quite a few of with your hands up.

Job well done ladies.

No really, I'm serious.
Being able to comprehend that "Breast is Best" while also managing to be a judgmental, shame throwing, twit sounds exhausting, so give yourself a pat on the tits, you've earned it.

And now shut the F**K up.

Truth be told, I'm only talking to a select few of you, but the few of you ass hat wearers know who you are.

Except that...you don't.

You have no freakin clue, actually, that you have an ass-shaped hat, resting atop your mom-shaming noggin, and I'd like to take this friendly opportunity to point it out to you.

Why don't we begin by giving a brief description of what these ass-hat wearing, shame throwing moms might look like?

You know, Just for fun.

Like hypothetically...
because i've DEFINITELY never met, or HAD similar thoughts to any of these types of moms, at ANY point in my life.

*clears throat and invisibly elbows the unsarcastic dolt reading this post*

The four moms mentioned below are unquestionably sporting an ass hat, can you relate?

Comments

How To Get Ready For Pre-school Drop off With Three Littles: A Sh!tshow Of Epic Proportions

9/13/2016

Comments

It started out simple enough...
isn't that always the way?

It was just a typical morning, trying to get my children ready to leave the house for my oldest son's preschool drop-off.

But the catch here is that this is how EVERY MORNING goes in our house, give or take a few crazies.

Now, do I always have to drive my preschooler and his brothers to school and do drop off?

No.
(Thank you mom!)

But do I have to deal with getting three adorable sanity terrorists in, and out of, the house to at least go SOMEWHERE every day?

You bet your sweet mom ass I do. And by choice!

Because as crazy as it is, I'd much rather take the circus out, than to stay home with it and watch it parade around my home like a clutter breeding, snack destroying stampede.

But there is no embellishment needed here, as I actually can't even imagine how it could get any more hectic....well, scratch that...
actually I can, but let's not go there, alright? I'm more than fine with just the three littles in tow at the moment. People with 4 or more, you're my heroes!!

And so here you have it, a typical preschool morning in 79 quick and easy steps:

Comments