Alright people, this thing needs some scrutiny, so lets mull it over for a minute, yes?
Raise your hand if you are pro-breastfeeding.
Wow, look at that, so many of you. Congratulations! That's fantastic.
And now please raise, or keep your hand up, if you also believe that formula happens to be an excellent source of poison, disappointment, and lies.
Man, would you look at that, still quite a few of with your hands up.
Job well done ladies.
No really, I'm serious.
Being able to comprehend that "Breast is Best" while also managing to be a judgmental, shame throwing, twit sounds exhausting, so give yourself a pat on the tits, you've earned it.
And now shut the F**K up.
Truth be told, I'm only talking to a select few of you, but the few of you ass hat wearers know who you are.
Except that...you don't.
You have no freakin clue, actually, that you have an ass-shaped hat, resting atop your mom-shaming noggin, and I'd like to take this friendly opportunity to point it out to you.
Why don't we begin by giving a brief description of what these ass-hat wearing, shame throwing moms might look like?
You know, Just for fun.
because i've DEFINITELY never met, or HAD similar thoughts to any of these types of moms, at ANY point in my life.
*clears throat and invisibly elbows the unsarcastic dolt reading this post*
The four moms mentioned below are unquestionably sporting an ass hat, can you relate?
It started out simple enough...
isn't that always the way?
It was just a typical morning, trying to get my children ready to leave the house for my oldest son's preschool drop-off.
But the catch here is that this is how EVERY MORNING goes in our house, give or take a few crazies.
Now, do I always have to drive my preschooler and his brothers to school and do drop off?
(Thank you mom!)
But do I have to deal with getting three adorable sanity terrorists in, and out of, the house to at least go SOMEWHERE every day?
You bet your sweet mom ass I do. And by choice!
Because as crazy as it is, I'd much rather take the circus out, than to stay home with it and watch it parade around my home like a clutter breeding, snack destroying stampede.
But there is no embellishment needed here, as I actually can't even imagine how it could get any more hectic....well, scratch that...
actually I can, but let's not go there, alright? I'm more than fine with just the three littles in tow at the moment. People with 4 or more, you're my heroes!!
And so here you have it, a typical preschool morning in 79 quick and easy steps: