Macgyvering My Way Through Motherhood
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  Macgyvering My Way Through Motherhood

Macgyvering
my
way
through
​motherhood

Coffee needed, wine deserved.

Truth.

"Hands OUT Of Your Pants!!!" And Other Winning Phrases you've Said As A Parent

8/18/2016

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I'll admit it.

Just a few short years ago, I frequently imagined early parenthood to be this beautifully complex conglomeration of teachable moments, studded with innocent giggles, and affectionate evenings spent curled up next to my sweet babies.

I pictured myself being able to effectively tackle each unfamiliar rising challenge with a touch of my thirty-something wisdom, adequately gracious, and just clear enough in the moment to be articulate.

I'd be authentically patient, and brimming with the astonishing amounts of mental energy that it takes to keep up with the countless questions, and daily antics that little people bring.

And then one day, something incredibly eye opening and uniquely bizarre happened.

I gave birth to an actual human child, on THIS planet.

Fast forward three and a half years, and it appears that my wisest and most current interpretation of what parenting in the moment is, can best described as:

"Hands OFF YOUR PENIS!!!!"

"I said get DOWN!! No No NOOO!!! WTF Did you just lick his BUTT?!?!"

Right.

So... apparently, my induction into parenting could also be sufficiently summed up as: "Hello, I'm having a challenging day with my small flock of children, and an unfortunate bout of Tourette's Syndrome, how are you?!"

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